A grade to be proud of.

I received my results from university a few days ago and only now do I feel prepared to write about it. It has resulted in a few tears and damped my enjoyment of my holiday so far. Not because of what I received but for what i didn't receive.

Results have never meant much to me. When I was doing my G.C.S.E's I honestly don't think I cared and came out with impressive results for someone not bothered. My A.S Results were the same, I wasn't bothered and surprised myself and my parents on a completely new level, receiving two A's and two B's. It wasn't till my actual A-levels that I cared, I revised and worked hard in the hope to pull out three A's. (Although this was never admitted to any one, three A's is what i wanted and what i thought I would get) I received 1 B and two C's. This was the first time I felt let down by myself and  i was angry, I had done everything right this time. Worked hard, actually revised and even had hired a tutor. I had failed my self even when i had tried the hardest not to.

We reach my University degree. They were the toughest  years I had faced not only in an educational sense but a personal. I lost a lot whilst studying along with also gaining a hell of a lot more. Every decision I made was for my education and future. My Third year of university I finished with one mark off a 1st. I had worked so hard to get that far and do so well I was ready for my final year; my Masters year and I was going to finish with a first.

I let myself down. I screwed up. I finished my university education with a 2:1.

Everyone else sings praises for receiving a 2:1, they can't believe it, they are so happy so proud. All I can see is it doesn't say 1st.

The only person I can blame is myself. I messed up. I didn't make my education my main priority, even though I claim I worked my ass of this year. I didn't work as hard as I could of. I could of pulled a first out of the bag and I didn't.

Now I must try to come to terms with the fact that a 2:1 is a good grade, in fact it is a great grade! My aunt, the most awe-inspiring and hardworking women I know received a 2:1 from university and she has done better than most people who have ever received first's. She said in an Email to me :

           'hardly anyone ever cares about what you got so it really only matters to you.'

She is right. If I treat my grade like I have failed then I will have. If I raise up and accept that a 2:1 is a great grade something to be proud of then people will see that and believe that my 2:1 is the best grade I could have got.

Its time for me to now accept what I have got and enjoy the rest of my American adventure. I have produced and made some amazing films, films I am proud of and films that will help more than my grade ever will. (A link to my website with them on is available at the bottom)

So to all those that don't already know, I received a Masters, 2.1 in Film and Media Production and I couldn't be prouder of myself!

http://maryjayne92.wix.com/mjfilms#!motion-reel/cee5

http://vimeo.com/95955309

A Mammoth baby and burger

I worked two jobs before we left for America. People would ask what I do, however, and my answer would be nothing. I didn't want to admit I had a job as I knew it wouldn't be forever. It wasn't a career or a job, it was a means to get me to my next adventure. 

As I sat on the flight I revelled a little on the thought of being a bum for the next 3 months in America. No more early mornings or counting the days. I was on my way to 'freedom'.

Our flight was at 11.30 in the morning from Terminal 5 at Heathrow. Suggested / pushed to go by my mother we decided to have our first meal of the holiday at Gordon Ramsey's restaurant at the terminal. I must admit it was mediocre at best and we highly doubt Gordon had much to do with the place but it was nice to eat whilst watching the planes prepare for take off. 

The flight itself was...long. Arriving at our seat we found a mammoth baby, resembling somewhat like a cabbage patch doll, wiped our smiles of our faces. The whale pjs it adorned however brought slight amusement (admittedly the 5 month old stay puffed marshmallow man was very well behaved and caused little grief). Being film fanatics the second after the seatbelt light flashed off the screens were on and movies were consumed, the same cannot be said, however, with food. Rookie error on our behalf not taking snacks on an

11 hour flight. On a positive note, the captain gets 5 stars for his landing, the part of the flight I hate most, as we didn't even realise had landed until we turned to check how close we were to the ground only to discover we were on it. 

My nan and grandad playing the typical embarrassing grandparent card shouted our names at the top of their lunge to ensure everyone knew we had arrived. They had been our travelling like a couple of teenagers for the last 5weeks and it was good to see there faces. Driving over the Golden Gate Bridge was some what surreal after being up 12 hours but we stopped to get some snaps and take in the view whilst the fog stayed at bay. That evening we went down for dinner with them where we feasted on the biggest burgers I had seen and they tasted like pure ecstasy. Again this could be due to the delusional state we were in, we head home early and passed out at 8.30pm. 

This morning had been spent letting the reality sink in that for the next 3 months we will be able to do what we want when we want. Even though we have travelled across the world, Thomas has already watched one football game and lined up the England game for later on. I guess Some things never change were ever you are.  

Never growing up

I have never wanted to  grow up and it wasn’t turning 22 that scared me; 22 is just a number and Taylor Swift taught me to love that number. What does scare me is that my university education has come to an end. I took a BA in Film and Media Production and then chose to continue on and do a Masters, primarily so that I could avoid growing up and entering the real world.

Great plan.

But even that extra year couldn’t last forever. As I realized it was coming to an end, I began to look for another form of escape. Travelling and leaving the country seemed like the perfect idea. I have never wanted to g row up, responsibility sucks, and I am not quite ready to have a proper job and take on the responsibility of fending for myself. Peter Pan didn’t have to grow up and I don’t intend to either, even when I return from my 3 month adventure. Growing up is for adults and, if I am perfectly honest, I still feel 16. And I like it.

Travelling to America with my boyfriend is allowing both of us the chance to escape from endlessly hearing the same question: “Now that university is over, what’s next?” Its not even the question itself that annoys me, it’s the way people ask me. Some say it with concern in their voice, other patronising, as if they believe that my degree won’t amount to anything. The worst, however, is when someone asks the question seriously, and they’re actually interested in hearing a proper answer. Why? Because I have no friggin idea what is next.

I leave for America in 5 days, and I am very excited. I’ll mainly be based at my aunt and uncles place in San Francisco, but will also be travelling to L.A, San Diego, Las Vegas, New York, Philadelphia, Washington, Orlando and Miami. I am looking forward to not having any responsibilities for the next 3 months and allowing myself purely to have ‘fun in the sun.’

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